Threequels? More like Weakquels

First of all, I know that the title of this post sucks, but it has kind of an endearing suck to it—kind of like, "Ah, nice try Jed, but that sucks."

Oddly enough, this comment echoes my feelings for the onslaught of threequels that I've seen this year: Spider-Man 3, Shrek the Third, Pirates 3, and Ocean's 13. They weren't necessarily bad, but when compared to the first two in the series, they left a lot to be desired. In fact, I would submit that all of these summer blockbusters followed similar patterns of mediocrity. Instead of concentrating on character development, they just increased the number of characters. Instead of weaving together an interesting storyline, they overcomplicated the story or at worst just rehashed the same story from the first two installments. Instead of surprising the audience with a smattering of plot-forwarding special effects, they just overindulged their techno savvy inclinations with bloated and over-the-top computer graphics that put the mind into sensation overload—aside from Ocean's 13.

Disillusioned by these uneven productions, I recently saw Live Free or Die Hard. I had low expectations, but came away pleasantly surprised and would like to declare that it’s the perfect summer movie. It's loud, crazy, and has amazing special effects—just like the other aforementioned films—but the major difference is the utter enjoyment of witnessing the perfect infusion of character banter, thin, yet understandable plot, and absurd action sequences complemented by seamless CGI. In other words, it leaves the audience satisfied with a lack of suck.

But maybe you're in the mood for a more cerebral movie; I would suggest checking out 1408. It’s a psychological thriller adapted from a short story originally penned by Steven King. This film scared the beejeezus out of me, but it was smart and, to be honest, somewhat inspiring. It contains none of the slasher or more-gore-the-better type of tactics that have become the norm, but instead messes with your concept of what your own personal hell might look like—a truly bone-chilling venture.

So, now that we’ve reached the halfway point for summer movies, I can only hope the latter-half of the blockbuster schedule is better than the first-half offerings, (which shouldn’t be too difficult to achieve). I could be wrong though; I have pretty high expectations for Transformers, the Bourne Ultimatum, Harry Potter, and Ratatouille. In short, I hope these movies don’t fall into the ‘endearing suck’ category.

Real Men Wear 'Guyliner'

Are you a real man? Do you wear eyeliner? I hadn't noticed when it first came out, but one of the taglines for Pirates of the Caribbean has been "Real men wear eyeliner." The phrase is obviously trying to capitalize on the suddenly new and bizarre trend of male eyeliner, which Jack Sparrow dons in all of the Pirate flicks. Even Keith Richards, who plays Sparrow's father, went home with six extra little sticks of the dark paste because he liked it so much.

This fad isn't exclusive to the swashbuckling franchise, Tobey Maguire could be found wearing it in the latest installment of Spider-Man 3. Also, bands such as My Chemical Romance, Panic! At the Disco, Green Day, 30 Second to Mars, Fall Out Boy, and The Killers all darken their eyes. This male eyeliner was recently dubbed guyliner to help add to its chic in the hopes of catering to a younger male, and assuredly more emo, demographic. Collen Mastony noted: "Not since Alice Cooper got creative with kohl and David Bowie had fun with eye shadow during the colorful days of glam rock, have so many rock stars and leading men become enamored with the wonders of the cosmetics aisle."

Is there even a market for this stuff? Actually, $4.8 million was spent on male grooming products in the U.S. last year, which is up 7 percent from the previous year and 42 percent since 2001. Still it's hard to imagine male cosmetics really taking hold in Middle America, but even the unanimously-voted manliest of men, Bruce Willis, has allegedly admitted to wearing a little makeup in his own movies. When his manliness was recently questioned by FoxNews, Bruce shot back, "Look, real men should be judged by the content of their character and not the color of their cosmetics!" In related news, 20^th Century Fox is now considering this supposedly oft-repeated quote by Willis as their tagline for the next Die Hard movie: Live Free or Dye It.

Move Over 'Evan Almighty'

Thanks brother.

Rosebud Rules

The American Film Institute (AFI) voted again on the 100 best movies of all time—Orson Welles’ faux interpretation of media tycoon William Randolph Hearst, Citizen Kane, remained on top. While I appreciate these types of lists I do wonder what goes into making them, especially when considering that twenty-three films got bumped from the original 1998 list (e.g. My Fair Lady, From Here to Eternity, Fantasia, etc.) Are these films not good enough anymore for their stuffy top 100 or are Titanic and The Sixth Sense (new editions) really that much better? Another thing that bugs me about the list is that it skews toward older movies. It’s not like I don’t like watching older movies—some of my favorite movies don’t even have sound (see anything with Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton)--it’s just that I’d like a list that includes up-and-coming filmmakers’ joints. Batman Begins anyone? For these reasons I kind of like IMDB’s top 250 list because it includes foreign films, it’s continually updated, and it’s voted in by fans rather than elitist movie critics. But anyway, here’s the AFI list. I’ve seen fifty-seven of them. How many have you seen? Do you agree with the list? Would your list include recent blockbusters Norbit, Wildhogs, and Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer?

For some more fun here’s IMDB’s bottom 100.

1. “Citizen Kane,” 1941.

2. “The Godfather,” 1972.

3. “Casablanca,” 1942.

4. “Raging Bull,” 1980.

5. “Singin’ in the Rain,” 1952.

6. “Gone With the Wind,” 1939.

7. “Lawrence of Arabia,” 1962.

8. “Schindler’s List,” 1993.

9. “Vertigo,” 1958.

10. “The Wizard of Oz,” 1939.

11. “City Lights,” 1931.

12. “The Searchers,” 1956.

13. “Star Wars,” 1977.

14. “Psycho,” 1960.

15. “2001: A Space Odyssey,” 1968.

16. “Sunset Blvd.”, 1950.

17. “The Graduate,” 1967.

18. “The General,” 1927.

19. “On the Waterfront,” 1954.

20. “It’s a Wonderful Life,” 1946.

21. “Chinatown,” 1974.

22. “Some Like It Hot,” 1959.

23. “The Grapes of Wrath,” 1940.

24. “E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial,” 1982.

25. “To Kill a Mockingbird,” 1962.

26. “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington,” 1939.

27. “High Noon,” 1952.

28. “All About Eve,” 1950.

29. “Double Indemnity,” 1944.

30. “Apocalypse Now,” 1979.

31. “The Maltese Falcon,” 1941.

32. “The Godfather Part II,” 1974.

33. “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,” 1975.

34. “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,” 1937.

35. “Annie Hall,” 1977.

36. “The Bridge on the River Kwai,” 1957.

37. “The Best Years of Our Lives,” 1946.

38. “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre,” 1948.

39. “Dr. Strangelove,” 1964.

40. “The Sound of Music,” 1965.

41. “King Kong,” 1933.

42. “Bonnie and Clyde,” 1967.

43. “Midnight Cowboy,” 1969.

44. “The Philadelphia Story,” 1940.

45. “Shane,” 1953.

46. “It Happened One Night,” 1934.

47. “A Streetcar Named Desire,” 1951.

48. “Rear Window,” 1954.

49. “Intolerance,” 1916.

50. “The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring,” 2001.

51. “West Side Story,” 1961.

52. “Taxi Driver,” 1976.

53. “The Deer Hunter,” 1978.

54. “M-A-S-H,” 1970.

55. “North by Northwest,” 1959.

56. “Jaws,” 1975.

57. “Rocky,” 1976.

58. “The Gold Rush,” 1925.

59. “Nashville,” 1975.

60. “Duck Soup,” 1933.

61. “Sullivan’s Travels,” 1941.

62. “American Graffiti,” 1973.

63. “Cabaret,” 1972.

64. “Network,” 1976.

65. “The African Queen,” 1951.

66. “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” 1981.

67. “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?”, 1966.

68. “Unforgiven,” 1992.

69. “Tootsie,” 1982.

70. “A Clockwork Orange,” 1971.

71. “Saving Private Ryan,” 1998.

72. “The Shawshank Redemption,” 1994.

73. “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid,” 1969.

74. “The Silence of the Lambs,” 1991.

75. “In the Heat of the Night,” 1967.

76. “Forrest Gump,” 1994.

77. “All the President’s Men,” 1976.

78. “Modern Times,” 1936.

79. “The Wild Bunch,” 1969.

80. “The Apartment, 1960.

81. “Spartacus,” 1960.

82. “Sunrise,” 1927.

83. “Titanic,” 1997.

84. “Easy Rider,” 1969.

85. “A Night at the Opera,” 1935.

86. “Platoon,” 1986.

87. “12 Angry Men,” 1957.

88. “Bringing Up Baby,” 1938.

89. “The Sixth Sense,” 1999.

90. “Swing Time,” 1936.

91. “Sophie’s Choice,” 1982.

92. “Goodfellas,” 1990.

93. “The French Connection,” 1971.

94. “Pulp Fiction,” 1994.

95. “The Last Picture Show,” 1971.

96. “Do the Right Thing,” 1989.

97. “Blade Runner,” 1982.

98. “Yankee Doodle Dandy,” 1942.

99. “Toy Story,” 1995.

100. “Ben-Hur,” 1959.

The Art of Differentiation

I really appreciate artistic expression in all its forms. As somewhat of an art novice, I have a hard time distinguishing between a work of genius and mediocrity—I just know what I like. Currently, in Venice, Italy, the art-world has amassed together to crown the next artistic virtuosos in this water-logged City’s Beinnale, or art fair. What about you? Can you tell the difference between a Beinnale-approved artist’s work and maybe something an elephant painted? Here’s the quiz!

Apples to Apples

I saw this iTunes add on TV yesterday and it took me awhile to realize who it was. But soon I recognized it was none other than our beloved 65-year-old ex-Beatle, Sir Paul McCartney. It's a fun song--the whimsical nature coupled with the iTunes panache put a nostalgic smile on my face. It’s interesting to see Paul McCartney doing Apple commercials since his record company (Apple Records) has been involved in a number of legal disputes since 1978 over competing trademark rights with Apple Corps. However, it appears that they came to a final settlement earlier this year and Paul’s recordings are going to become part of the iTune’s catalogue.

Speaking of the Beatles…another former Beatle, George Harrison, and one of his bands has made a splash once again on the British charts. The Traveling Wilburys, the supergroup made up of Harrison, Jeff Lynne, Roy Orbison, Tom Petty, and Bob Dylan in the late 80s, opened their compilation album at No. 1. The Wilburys music has been out of print for over a decade, but now it’s widely available and is one of the top downloads on iTunes.

Captain's Blog

Yesterday I was talking to my dad, along with some of my siblings, about his life in high school. He revealed to us that he was somewhat of a nerd, or as he put it; “introverted.” I don’t think any of were surprised by this comment knowing that my dad can regularly be found with book in hand, carries multiple pens in his shirt pockets (including a highlighter), and adores Star Trek. Knowing the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, I’ve reluctantly decided to accept my nerdiness, which can be manifest through my excitement level for the new Star Trek movie. The script has just been finished and they’re trying to rejuvenate the franchise by going back to the beginning when James T. Kirk and Mr. Spock meet at Starfleet Academy and go on their first mission. J.J. Abrams (Lost, Alias, Mission Impossible III) is set to produce and direct the eleventh film in the series, which leaves me no doubt that it’s going to be good. Casting rumors include Matt Damon and Adrien Brody as Kirk and Spock respectively. I’ll probably be there opening night with my fellow nerdlings along with my nerd father.

Deep Thoughts from a White Guy

"I love Deseret Industries, they have the best return policy." ~Steve White

Weezer in the Sun

I’m not exactly sure how it happened, but the first music that had a major influence on me was surf rock mainly coming from the Beach Boys. My first of many concerts was, in fact, a Beach Boys outdoor concert. Looking back at this time in my life, I find it amusing that I was so devoted to a band that would produce such happy-go-lucky songs as ‘California Girls,’ ‘Little Deuce Coup,’ and ‘Fun, Fun, Fun.’ I think I was extremely committed to this fun-in-the-sun attitude because I remember wearing Hawaiian shirts many times and shorts called ‘baggies’ mentioned in the song ‘Surfin’ U.S.A.’—sans huarache sandals unfortunately.

By the time I reached high school there was a new rock movement taking over called grunge. One of the bands that came out of this rock renaissance was Weezer. While I wouldn’t really place them in that specific genre, the band surfaced at the same time as grunge staples Nirvana, Stone Temple Pilots, and Smashing Pumpkins. I remember hearing them for the first time and was irresistibly addicted to their rock harmonizing, catchy hooks, and nerds-are-cool image. But, I never really put all the similarities of these two iconic bands together until I saw this website, which analyzes the bands’ eerily extensive parallels.

Even if most of them are probably more heavily-researched coincidences than actual hard-fact similarities, I found them oddly entertaining. And now it makes sense that I would be totally into Weezer since they probably broke into my childhood self-conscience with music videos that mimicked happier days of early 60s sunshine pop, accentuated by their doo-wop harmonies, lively hand claps, and almost giggly backing vocals. From the classic Weezer song, 'Surf Wax America,' to the Pet Soundsy 'Island in the Sun' music video—that oddly looks and feels like the cover to this Beach Boys landmark album—Weezer definitely owes more than a little to these eternally youthful geriatrics.