Government Holiday Movie Review

While government employee Jedboy was getting escorted through the hallowed grounds of NBC Burbank, non-governmental contracting employees such as me were hard at work building things for the government. Sometimes it's hard being a private businessman. I only get Christmas morning off, and I'm here plodding away at least until six o'clock most nights. On the other hand, the fistfuls of sweet, sweet American dollars rolling into my bank account (and swiftly back into the American economy via the McDonald's Drive Up Window) help to ease the pain ...

Also easing my pain is the Government Holiday!!! Although I don't necessarily get a day off, I still get a vacation. As I stated in my first Government Holiday Movie Review, when the government takes a day off, the lady of my house takes a day off. This was an especially well-timed Government Holiday.

As stated earilier, Government Holidays allow the scales of masculinty vs. femininity to be balanced in the ASmith household. With Valentine's Day having fallen a few days earlier, my household man power was in short supply, fizzling out like my sweet Pontiac as it nears it's last dying breath of gasoline vapors.

Flowers soiled my kitchen table. Flowers that I purchased. Dishes from a finely prepared meal littered my sink. A meal that I prepared. A romantic movie starring a woman that works as a magazine editor who falls hard for a guy had stunk up my DVD player. A movie that I rented.

In short, I had brought a pox of femininity into my home. I had cursed my home. The Government Holiday was my chance for absolution. With the lady of my house gone, and with her taking Man Cub with her, I was free to perform the necessary ceremonies to restore the balance of power.

To restore that power -- a meal, consisting mostly of meat, consumed directly from a sack, not shaving, lifting weights in my living room, and an awesome action film. On to this week's review.

Actual campaign pamphlet from Schwarzenegger's gubernatorial re-election campaign in 2006.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day. With the recent restoration of the Terminator franchise coming at the hands of the Fox show "The Sarah Connor Chronicles," I had a restored interest in the best action film of my youth. It's hard to capture just how awesome this movie was when it came out in 1991.

Special effects are a funny thing. Generally, I'd agree that any movie made today has better effects than earlier films. However, computer generated images (CGI) can only go so far. Recall that the earlier Star Wars movies actually had things built out of plastic, wood, and metal. The ships looked real because they were real. The second round of Star Wars films looked cool, but they were also filmed in front of a green screen. They weren't made in the real world, they were made in George Lucas' computer world on his ranch.

That being said, James Cameron absolutley nailed the special effects for Terminator 2. CGI was just rolling around at the time, and Cameron used that CGI only for the evil terminator played by that one guy who made some other films. The evil terminator character, when playing the role of a human, was played by a human character. When it was doing it's computerized morphing bit, it was created by a computer. Thus, on film, it looks like a human when it's supposed to and it looks like a robotic liquid metal goo when it's supposed to.

Actor Robert Patrick is not in fact a mimetic polyalloy mass of robotic goo. ASmith regrets the error of firing shots at Mr. Patrick on the 405 Freeway in Los Angeles.

In addition, I liked this movie because things blew up. Up until ten years ago, when you wanted something to blow up in a movie, you actually had to blow something up if you wanted it to look real. After a lenghty car chase through the canals of Los Angeles, the bad terminator wrecks a diesel truck. It blows up. And it was real. James Cameron actually set fire to a diesel cab and blew that thing up. And filmed it for posterity.

The film also had some good points. For example, although it's fun to blow things up, there are consequences. In addition, robots are capable of love on an one-to-one basis, but robots in general, and the artificial intelligence that drives them, are pure evil.

Then James Cameron had to go and make that Titanic movie. You tell me what's better -- that floating love story featuring super-duper awkward nudity (DiCaprio making coal-pencil sketches of Kate Winslet. What?) or the awesome powers of California's Governor blowing things up and saving our world from robotic future terrorists?

You know where I stand on the matter. T2 gets a 9.5 out of 10 on the man scale. Mitigating factors: Edward Furlong as the bratty teen John Connor. This guy is supposed to be the future leader of humanity. Um, no. He looks like kd lang. I'll stick with robots blowing things up, thank you.