Government Holiday Movie Review

While government employee Jedboy was getting escorted through the hallowed grounds of NBC Burbank, non-governmental contracting employees such as me were hard at work building things for the government. Sometimes it's hard being a private businessman. I only get Christmas morning off, and I'm here plodding away at least until six o'clock most nights. On the other hand, the fistfuls of sweet, sweet American dollars rolling into my bank account (and swiftly back into the American economy via the McDonald's Drive Up Window) help to ease the pain ...

Also easing my pain is the Government Holiday!!! Although I don't necessarily get a day off, I still get a vacation. As I stated in my first Government Holiday Movie Review, when the government takes a day off, the lady of my house takes a day off. This was an especially well-timed Government Holiday.

As stated earilier, Government Holidays allow the scales of masculinty vs. femininity to be balanced in the ASmith household. With Valentine's Day having fallen a few days earlier, my household man power was in short supply, fizzling out like my sweet Pontiac as it nears it's last dying breath of gasoline vapors.

Flowers soiled my kitchen table. Flowers that I purchased. Dishes from a finely prepared meal littered my sink. A meal that I prepared. A romantic movie starring a woman that works as a magazine editor who falls hard for a guy had stunk up my DVD player. A movie that I rented.

In short, I had brought a pox of femininity into my home. I had cursed my home. The Government Holiday was my chance for absolution. With the lady of my house gone, and with her taking Man Cub with her, I was free to perform the necessary ceremonies to restore the balance of power.

To restore that power -- a meal, consisting mostly of meat, consumed directly from a sack, not shaving, lifting weights in my living room, and an awesome action film. On to this week's review.

Actual campaign pamphlet from Schwarzenegger's gubernatorial re-election campaign in 2006.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day. With the recent restoration of the Terminator franchise coming at the hands of the Fox show "The Sarah Connor Chronicles," I had a restored interest in the best action film of my youth. It's hard to capture just how awesome this movie was when it came out in 1991.

Special effects are a funny thing. Generally, I'd agree that any movie made today has better effects than earlier films. However, computer generated images (CGI) can only go so far. Recall that the earlier Star Wars movies actually had things built out of plastic, wood, and metal. The ships looked real because they were real. The second round of Star Wars films looked cool, but they were also filmed in front of a green screen. They weren't made in the real world, they were made in George Lucas' computer world on his ranch.

That being said, James Cameron absolutley nailed the special effects for Terminator 2. CGI was just rolling around at the time, and Cameron used that CGI only for the evil terminator played by that one guy who made some other films. The evil terminator character, when playing the role of a human, was played by a human character. When it was doing it's computerized morphing bit, it was created by a computer. Thus, on film, it looks like a human when it's supposed to and it looks like a robotic liquid metal goo when it's supposed to.

Actor Robert Patrick is not in fact a mimetic polyalloy mass of robotic goo. ASmith regrets the error of firing shots at Mr. Patrick on the 405 Freeway in Los Angeles.

In addition, I liked this movie because things blew up. Up until ten years ago, when you wanted something to blow up in a movie, you actually had to blow something up if you wanted it to look real. After a lenghty car chase through the canals of Los Angeles, the bad terminator wrecks a diesel truck. It blows up. And it was real. James Cameron actually set fire to a diesel cab and blew that thing up. And filmed it for posterity.

The film also had some good points. For example, although it's fun to blow things up, there are consequences. In addition, robots are capable of love on an one-to-one basis, but robots in general, and the artificial intelligence that drives them, are pure evil.

Then James Cameron had to go and make that Titanic movie. You tell me what's better -- that floating love story featuring super-duper awkward nudity (DiCaprio making coal-pencil sketches of Kate Winslet. What?) or the awesome powers of California's Governor blowing things up and saving our world from robotic future terrorists?

You know where I stand on the matter. T2 gets a 9.5 out of 10 on the man scale. Mitigating factors: Edward Furlong as the bratty teen John Connor. This guy is supposed to be the future leader of humanity. Um, no. He looks like kd lang. I'll stick with robots blowing things up, thank you.

In Praise of Leftovers

This week marks one of the greatest American holidays: Thanksgiving. It's great because it signifies thanks in a truly American way. We're thankful for everything because of all the awesome food we have and the awesome sport we have in football.

One of the best aspects of Thanksgiving is that our mega-glutton feast isn't limited to one day. No sir!!! Our traditional feast leads to days on end of overeating.

This year marks the first time ever that I will be working the day after Thanksgiving. While many Americans get up early to stand in shopping lines for hours on end, I get to wake up early to read Army architectural specifications for hours on end. With the leftover meats, I am planning on desiging and building the biggest, baddest turkey sandwich ever made.

Artist Rendering of Aaron's gigantic sandwich

I'm very fond of my leftovers -- food or otherwise. I was cruising Target last weekend with my wife and son (don' laugh, it's good times all around). Whilst strolling through the media section, my wife spotted a new Killers album called Sawdust. It's new in that it was recently released, but not so new. It's full of b-sides and previously unreleased tracks -- a "leftovers" album. While it's not quite my awesome turkey sandwich, it's still pretty good. If you like the Killers, you'll probably like this album. Half of it sounds like Hot Fuss, the other half sounds like Sam's Town.

Child Prodigy, Artist, Poet

I've posted some paintings here for all of you to enjoy. The interesting thing about them is that they were painted by a child between the ages of 8 and 11. Her name is Akiane Kramarik. She has been called a child prodigy in art and poetry. She was born in the US by Lithuanian immigrants who happened to be athiest. At age 4 she said that she had a life-changing spiritual transformation and began to paint. With no formal training she's said that her abilities are a gift from God. It's quite inspiring. Thanks Aunt Christie.

Where to take kids on a bike ride?

Have you ever wondered where you would take your kids, if you had any, on a bike ride? I haven’t. But, this article gives ten great places that, for many of you, might come in handy in like ten or fifteen years. Rad is the word you’re searching for. Oh, yes, my hometown just happens to be one of the towns—too bad I can’t fully enjoy the trails until I have some offspring of my own.

Café Rio v. Chipotle

I was driving to the Café Rio in Fort Union to get my fix of marinated pork barbacoa the other day, but got a little lost. As I was driving around I noticed a construction sign that said a new Chipotle Mexican Grill was gonna open soon! I was delighted, but I could already hear the furious debate starting among all Utahns who seek delicious quasi-Mexican sustenance. Of course, I had heard the comparison before from those who have lived in other states outside of the Beehive, but with the sudden surge of Chipotles popping up in Mormonland now, I’m certain that the argument will reach a fever pitch. I foresee it turning into a civil war between these two Mexican-themed restaurants. Families divided. Friendships pushed to the brink. Tempers flared, resulting in questions such as: “What do you mean, you don’t have enchilada style!?” and “What part of tin-foil wrap do you not understand!?” However, there will be few among us, who, having lived in both areas, will have to quell the inevitable uproar and become the voice of reason. Because I have a dream that one day, when their lips are dripping with either the words of "enchilada style" or "burrito bol," that the Café Rioites will be able to join hands with the Chipotleistas as hermanos and realize that both Mexican eateries are delectable in their own right.

But until then, let the verbal lucha libre begin!

Which Super Villain are you?

I am
Poison Ivy


Here's what it said: "You would go to almost any length for the protection of the environment including manipulation and elimination."

Click here to take the Super Villain Personality Test

Which Superhero are you?

I am The Flash

Fast, athletic and flirtatious.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

Ever wondered what a commencement speech by Conan O'Brien would be like?

Well, here it is. It's kind of long, but worth it.