Glenn's Tribute to the late LDS President Hinckley

Compliments of 'One Million Strong for Val Kilmer'

Val Kilmer has spent his time recently composing a CD which he is now allowing us to download. He would have liked to have released the CD in a more traditional way but the major lables have refused due to Mr Kilmer's "radical" stand that North American Bison horn can be ground into a powder and then used medicinally. (note: Mr Kilmer takes this horn powder personally, up to 3 bisons worth a day. Many believe this is why he has made such a marked recovery in the past months. The only side effects appear to be that he is now 2-3 times as manly and his acting abilities are too much for current filming technology to capture.)


You can access Val's music on his MySpace page

http://www.myspace.com/valkilmermusic

The money made from the sale of these downloads will go directly to funding the fight against male breast cancer and the treatment of the little-studied anti-persperant addiction. (note: 1 in 90 American young men is addicted to anti-persperant. Call your congress-person and get informed today. Together we can fight this!)

~Aaron Rowley
One Million Strong for Val Kilmer

Beards: They Grow On You

Are you tired of hearing about the writers’ strike? Or are you just mad that everyone is so selfish and can’t resolve their differences? It makes me so mad that I want to do something about it! So, in honor of those striking I’ve decided to grow a beard just like Conan O’Brien. Sure, it doesn’t really make sense, it’s more because I’m lazy and don’t go to BYU anymore and, well, maybe a certain someone likes how it feels; but it’s on my face and I’m posting a picture of it. So there. I hope you enjoy it, and I hope you enjoy not watching your favorite shows on TV. It’s actually quite liberating. Go out and see the world (Discovery Channel), learn something new (History Channel), follow current events (C-Span), or catch up with an old friend (reruns?). Either way you’re not watching TV, er, TV that you normally watch. Or you can just grow a beard or not shave your legs. Something that demonstrates your frustration with the whole system through some lack of personal hygiene is all that’s really required and appreciated by writers who have no one to write for.

Here's some updates on some of my favorite shows:

24 - None this season! Moving the premier of "Day 7" that was originally going to air January 08. Now could be pushed to next season because they want to air all 24 episodes without a break. via

30 Rock - 1 episodes remaining (eff 12/14)

Big Bang Theory - 0 episodes remaining. Just over half of those originally planned.

Chuck - 1 episode remains (eff 12/13) The final episode will air in 2008

Lost - All eight episodes remaining and planned for February 08. Only half of the originally planned episodes

My Name is Earl - 0 episodes remain(eff 12/14).

The Office - No episodes remain. Production has completely stopped via

Pushing Daisies - 0 episodes remaining (eff 12/13)

Scrubs - 5 episodes remaining (eff 12/10)

Talk/Comedy Shows:

Late Night Shows including Letterman, Leno, Saturday Night Live, The Daily Show, Colbert Report, Craig Ferguson, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Kimmel, Real Time with Bill Baher & Carson Daly are all in reruns already. via

The View is continuing on as normal. (phew!!)

UPDATE: THE WEEK OF 12/3, CARSON DALY RESUMED TAPING HIS LATE-NIGHT SHOW ON NBC WITHOUT THE WRITERS. via

'Enchanted': A Postmodern, Traditional Fairytale

It would be safe to say that Disney almost single-handedly invented the so-called princess genre when it began to unspool its female heroine films starting with Snow White (1937) and ending with Beauty and the Beast (1991). These princess movies all contain similar elements: traditional princess storylines, 2D animation, and a Broadway-musical theme. Lately, however, Disney princess fare has taken a backseat to the ever-popular CGI movies that fly in the face of traditional 2D-animated princess fairytales or even make fun of them (Shrek). In fact, Disney's own animation department had at one point left the 2D technique by the wayside with the decidedly below-average Home on the Range (2004)—they've only recently decided to revamp this almost defunct art. Also, they haven't even attempted a Broadway-style movie since Mulan (1998), which is interesting because Disney was the only movie studio making movie musicals with any success during the late 80s and early 90s (see The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, et al.) This is unfortunate since musicals seem to be back in vogue with the likes of Moulin Rouge, Chicago, Hairspray, and Sweeney Todd singing themselves back onto the silver screen with critical and commercial success. So, the question is: Why not make another Disney princess movie with all the methods that made it a masterpiece (i.e., traditional animation, song and dance, as well as a 'happily ever after' storyline)?

After watching Enchanted with my girlfriend, (we both loved it) we started to discuss the dearth of classic Disney princess musicals. I was of the opinion that those types of movies just wouldn't work for America's current taste. They would be a tough sell in today's Shrek-inspired market that relies heavily on poking fun at all things conventional for the sake of buzz-inducing irreverence. I'm not trying to bag on Shrek or its conglomerate of clones; I'm just saying that 'the mockery' has taken place of 'the masterpiece.' The cynical post-9/11 audience has now become accustomed to sarcastic, biting humor engineered to lampoon tradition, rather than embrace it—stuff that would make Walt Disney rollover in his cryogenic freezer. This phenomenon has even transcended into the Broadway realm as it seems that the most popular and award-winning musicals are parodies (i.e., The Producers, Spamalot, etc.). This entertainment trend in the realm of 'family' entertainment might even be considered to be 'postmodern.'

So, let's examine postmodernity with Enchanted as the prime example: Now, 'postmodern' is an ambiguous term thrown about by quasi-intellectuals (ahem) that has a cornucopia of meanings. The meaning that I wanted to evoke is the following: 'the breaking of traditional frames of genre, structure, and stylistic unity" (Wikipedia). Thus, Enchanted may work on a lot of levels, but I think its success is mainly due to Disney's self-parody of the princess genre that it created. Here's a 'for instance:' While watching the opening 2D-animated sequence from Enchanted--that ripped storylines from Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty--I felt that it wasn't meant to be an homage to these movies, but rather a spoof. The audience understood this and they all laughed. In other words, Disney wasn’t presenting to the masses a classic, traditional princess archetype replete with brilliant music and color, but a mimicked replica of those old films with its tongue planted very firmly in its cheek, as if to say, "we know these types of movies don't work anymore either," wink, wink. It would be the equivalent of the creator of Star Wars, George Lucas, deciding that his movies just weren’t connecting to his fanboy audience like they used to, so he decides to broaden the audience and reimagine the next Star Wars movie into a romantic comedy, When Anni Met Padme, for example. While this does intrigue me a little, I’d be a little remiss that all my Star Wars memories as a kid would be thrown out the window for the sake of George Lucas’ creative urges (oh wait, this already happened). My point it: while I think movies or genres are always in the need of an update, sometimes it just makes me a little sad to think that America’s mood and taste has shifted so much that making a traditional, yet exceptional movie has become the extreme, while making those cutting-edge, pushing-the-envelope-type films has become the norm.

Scene from When Anni Met Padme

Here's a look at Enchanted and it's less-than-traditional undertones: (1) McDreamy is a divorce lawyer that pushes feminist heroines on his impressionable young daughter. I like the fact that he's trying to push realistic ambition into his daughter, but I have a hard time imagining Walt Disney adding in a scene like this for any of his movies. (2) The evil queen (Susan Sarandon) sends Giselle (the princess) to a place where "there are no happily ever afters." First of all, to suggest there are no ‘happily ever afters’ kills all traditional princess credibility, but then to have the no ‘happily ever after’ place become the princess’ home by the end is downright pragmatic (?). Secondly, a reference to the ‘real world’ was unheard of in earlier Disney movies, and yet today it seems like all CGI movies survive off of pop culture jokes. It would be like Cinderella’s fairy godmother singing, “Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo, the Commies are out to get you!” during the Red Scare 1950s. I just don’t know if those types of jokes stand the test of time. (Have you watched the first Shrek movie in a awhile?) (3) The princess saves the mansel (man + damsel) in distress (McDreamy). Again, in the oft-mentioned Disney princess movies, even if the princess was the main star of the show, she was always saved by the prince. I guess this just mirrors today’s political climate, as Hillary Clinton (a modern-day princess?) has always had to save her own mamsel in distress.

Then again, I could be completely wrong. While Enchanted could come across as a poke in the eye of all things princess, it really ends up very traditional in the fact that everyone really does end up 'happily ever after'—as my girlfriend pointed out. In fact, to weaken my argument of this postmodern trend, Disney is ready to get back into the princess movie making game with a pair of future releases. The first is The Princess and the Frog, which is being touted as a return to 2D animation for the Mouse House with singing and dancing for all. The interesting twist for this movie is that it will star Disney's first African-American heroine, who was recently called Maddy, until the PC police decided that it was too racially insensitive. Her name is now Tiana. The other princess-themed movie scheduled to hit theatres, is Rapunzel. However, instead of going with the traditional 2D-animation, the studio has recently decided to mix the best of both worlds of 2D and CGI. Here's what Wikipedia had to say: "Because of the advancements in computer technology many of the basic principles of animation used in traditional animated movies that has been absent in CGI films due to technical limitations, is now becoming possible also in this field of animation, where they will be used together with the potential offered by CGI." Thus, they plan to animate the movie as if it were a traditional oil painting on canvas. Intriguing. It sounds so, well,…traditional.

The Swing, the artistic inspiration for Rapunzel

I wanted Yoda to be the traditional kind of character you find in fairy tales and mythology. And that character is usually a frog or a wizened old man on the side of the road. The hero is going down the road and meets this poor and insignificant person. The goal or lesson is for the hero to learn to respect everybody and to pay attention to the poorest person because that's where the key to his success will be.

- George Lucas

Disney theatrical animated features

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937) • Pinocchio (1940) • Fantasia (1940) • Dumbo (1941) • Bambi (1942) • Saludos Amigos (1942) • The Three Caballeros (1944) • Make Mine Music (1946) • Fun and Fancy Free (1947) • Melody Time (1948) • The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad (1949) • Cinderella (1950) • Alice in Wonderland (1951) • Peter Pan (1953) • Lady and the Tramp (1955) • Sleeping Beauty (1959) • One Hundred and One Dalmatians (1961) • The Sword in the Stone (1963) • The Jungle Book (1967) • The Aristocats (1970) • Robin Hood (1973) • The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (1977) • The Rescuers (1977) • The Fox and the Hound (1981) • The Black Cauldron (1985) • The Great Mouse Detective (1986) • Oliver & Company (1988) • The Little Mermaid (1989) • The Rescuers Down Under (1990) • Beauty and the Beast (1991) • Aladdin (1992) • The Lion King (1994) • Pocahontas (1995) • The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996) • Hercules (1997) • Mulan (1998) • Tarzan (1999) • Fantasia 2000 (1999) • The Emperor's New Groove (2000) • Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001) • Lilo & Stitch (2002) • Treasure Planet (2002) • Brother Bear (2003) • Home on the Range (2004) • Chicken Little (2005) • Meet the Robinsons (2007) • Bolt (2008) • The Princess and the Frog (2009) • Rapunzel (2010)

Indie Rock Christmas Songs

Ok, so first of all, this isn't really an Indie Rock Christmas list--I just wanted to throw that in the title for some reason. What is this so-called Indie Rock anyway? The truth is that nobody knows. It's supposed to come from bands that are 'underground' and haven't yet signed a major label. Yet many bands continue to be labeled indie rock even after they sign to a major record label. Check out this definition on Urban Dictionary, it's kind of funny.


Anywho, I know it's a little early for Christmas music, but, hey, Christmas isn't just one day; it's like the entire month of December! Am I right? On that subject: I've always loved Christmas music, but let's get real; sometimes it gets a little old. So, for the last four or five years I've been compiling music from some of my favorite artists. This is a list of some of those precious holiday finds, but it also has some classics that I just think are cool. This is by no means an exhaustive list. In fact, if any of my faithful readers have some more suggestions please send them my way.


P.S. If you want to hear some of these songs, scroll down to the bottom of this page. A lot of these songs are also available on iTunes or wherever you legally download music. If you really want a copy of some of these songs, just let me know--I'd be happy to make you a CD. Remember: "The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear!"

The Beatles sing Christmas Time is Here Again

(It Must of been Ol) Santa Claus	Harry Connick, Jr.
12.23.95 2000 Miles	Jimmy Eat World Coldplay
A Great Big Sled	The Killers
All I Want for Christmas is You	Mariah Carey
Baby, It's Cold Outside	Gabe Dixon & Leigh Nash
Baby, It's Cold Outside	Leon Redbone/Zooey Deschanel
Believe	Josh Groban
Better Days (Acoustic Version)	Goo Goo Dolls
Bittersweet Eve	Belasana
Blue Christmas	Elvis Presley
Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)	Death Cab For Cutie
Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)	U2
Christmas Celebration	Weezer
Christmas For Cowboys	Jars Of Clay
Christmastime	The Smashing Pumpkins
Christmastime Is Here Again	The Beatles
Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing	Sufjan Stevens
Do They Know It's Christmas	Pete Yorn
Do You Hear What I Hear?	Copeland
Donde Esta Santa Claus?	Guster
Donna & Blitzen	Badly Drawn Boy
Frosty The Snowman	Fiona Apple
Gabriel's Message	Sting
Go Tell It On The Mountain	Oh Susanna!
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen	Barenaked Ladies Feat. Sarah McLachlan
God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen	Bare Naked Ladies
Green Christmas	Bare Naked Ladies
Grown-Up Christmas List	Michael Bublé
Happy Christmas (War Is Over)	John Lennon
Happy Christmas (War is Over)	The Polyphonic Spree
Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas	Coldplay
Hey Parker, It's Christmas	Ryan Adams
Holly Jolly Christmas	The Format
Holy, Holy, Holy	Sufjan Stevens
I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day	Pedro The Lion
I'll Be Home For Christmas	Bing Crosby
It Came Upon A Midnight Clear	Sixpence None The Richer
Jingle Bells	Bing Crosby
Last Christmas	Jimmy Eat World
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!	Lena Horne
Little Saint Nick [Single Version]	The Beach Boys
Maybe This Christmas	Ron Sexsmith
Merry Christmas Everybody	Rooney
Merry Christmas, Baby	The Beach Boys
Nutcracker Suite	Brian Setzer
O Come O Come Emmanuel	Sufjan Stevens
O Holy Night	Avril Lavigne & Chantal Kreviazuk
O Holy Night	Il Divo
Please Come Home for Christmas	Jon Bon Jovi
River	Travis
Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer	Jack Johnson
Rudy	The Be Good Tanyas
Santa Baby	Eartha Kitt
Santa Claus Is Coming to Town	Eddy Arnold
Santa's Beard	The Beach Boys
Sleigh Ride/Santa Claus Party	Ferrante & Teicher/Les Baxter/Teicher
Somewhere In My Memory (Voice)	John Williams
Song for a Winter's Night	Sarah McLachlan
Spotlight On Christmas	Rufus Wainwright
St. Patrick's Day	John Mayer
Sweet Secret Peace	Neil Finn
The Christmas Song	Dave Matthews Band
The Christmas Song	The Raveonettes
The Christmas Song	Weezer
The Holly & the Ivy	Mediaeval Baebes
The Only Gift That I Need	Dashboard Confessional
The Prayer	Josh Groban & Charlotte Church
The Winter Song	Eisley
Three Ships	Sting
The Christmas Song (Chestnuts	Nat King Cole
We Three Kings Of Orient Are	The Beach Boys
What A Year For A New Year	Dan Wilson
What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?	Harry Connick, Jr.
What Child Is This	Matt Wertz
When Christmas Comes to Town	Matthew Hall/Meagan Moore
When I Get Home for Christmas	Snow Patrol
Winter Wonderland	Jason Mraz
Wonderful Christmastime	Paul McCartney
Zat You Santa Claus	Louis Armstrong

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Apparently, Ron Howard and Tom Hanks have decided to fast-track ‘Angels and Demons,’ the prequel to ‘The Da Vinci Code,’ due to the looming writers’ strike. I’m excited for the second movie, because I thought that ‘A & D’ was a better book and more suited for a movie adaptation. Of course, I’m not excited to see Hanks’ faux mullet again.

Watch the mullet catch wind and carry Tom to safety!

I’ve recently discussed all the Oscar-potential movies that I wasn’t excited to see this year. It sounds as if I’m not the only one who’s decided that indie films are too depressing. Here’s an article explaining America’s lack of desire to see these dire movies, but rather more escapist fare. Dramas used to really be in vogue around this time of year, but it seems people are more interested in kiddie flicks and horror sequels.

‘Scrubs’ is coming back for its final season, but the creators of the show have decided to tone down the broad comedy a little, reminiscent of the first season. I’m excited about this since the first season is probably my favorite one. Also, look for a ‘Princess Bride’-themed episode this year. Inconceivable!

So, the Jazz are ranked seventh in this week’s ESPN power rankings. I only have one question: how did they move up one spot from last week if they haven’t even played a game yet?

The Day the Music Industry Died

Last week I watched ‘La Bamba.’ It’s the semi-biographical account of the rock legend Ritchie Valens, who would ultimately die in a plane crash only eight months after starting out his very short-lived career—he was only 17! He died in the same plane crash that killed Buddy Holly and the Big Bopper in 1959; a day which would eventually be known as “The Day the Music Died.” These three young rock stars were just at the start of what might have become some very successful music careers. Many musicians have lamented this musical loss; Don McLean’s well-known single ‘American Pie,’ chronicles the demise of the three stars that fell out of the sky as well as the death of what he saw as pure rock ‘n’ roll. I absolutely love this type of music and how it fused elements of country music with that of ‘race music’ or rhythm and blues. It was still in its infancy when they passed away, but it was the start of a truly American art form.

I grew up listening to this genre of music and was infatuated with the ‘La Bamba’ soundtrack because of all the great rock tracks. In fact, it was one of the first CDs I can remember my dad buying. We must have bought a CD player around 1987 because that’s when ‘La Bamba’ came out. It’s hard to believe that that was twenty years ago! Anyway, I remember listening to all of Ritchie Valens hits that included ‘La Bamba,’ ‘Donna,’ and ‘Come On, Let’s Go.’ All my brothers and sisters used to get so energized listening to the music that we’d start dancing and jump all over the room. Of course, this caused a lot of problems for those first generation CD players that tended to skip if you even breathed too hard around them. I also loved to open up the jewel case and take out the little inset that accompanied all CDs at the time and flip through the pictures and lyrics—I’d do this for hours sometimes while listening to the tunes.

However, I haven’t done this in awhile. The main reason is that I don’t buy CDs anymore, or hardly ever I should say. I know that I’ve touched upon this before on this personal journal-like blog of mine, but I can’t help but comment a little further on this subject in light of Radiohead’s new tactic of distributing their music. If you haven’t heard, Radiohead has decided that instead of compiling their music on a CD with the help of a major record label, they would just dole out the music themselves by selling it in the form of a download from their website. Here’s the rub: Radiohead decided that the fans could decide how much they were willing to pay for their newest installment. In other words, if the casual fan felt like just downloading it for nothing, then that’s totally fine. Personally, I’m not sure what kind of fall-out this is going to have on the music industry, but here’s some thoughts:

While Radiohead’s announcement might come across as commercial suicide, some are hailing this as a musical revolution for an already defunct and archaic system. Advocates are even saying that downloads are turning into promotional tools to sell concert tickets. In other words, the price of music has fallen so dramatically in recent years that giving the music away for free is just a way to get more people to come to a band’s show. Of course, the impact on the record labels has been catastrophic as their bread ‘n’ butter (CDs) have become as cool as eight-tracks. The famous record producer, Rick Rubin, who was recently appointed co-chairman of the Columbia label, has ideas of refocusing the company into something akin to that of the cable TV business (i.e., making Columbia’s catalogue available for download while people pay a monthly subscription).

Thus, while major labels are scrambling to squeeze out any money from hot bands, the artists themselves seem to be making out okay. Attendance of arena shows is up 11% from last year. Music festivals are in the upswing. Bands seem to be raking in the dough as they offset their dwindling CD sales with increased concert prices; most fans aren’t even complaining as they watch their favorite artists in the flesh. As Robert Sandall put it: “They have rediscovered an ancient truth that music is, at root, a communal experience as much as it is something that goes on between your ears.” Some in the industry have even mused that music is now becoming more of a passion for people than even before CDs because of the increased accessibility to music.

The Radiohead method has already forced people to question how much music is actually worth. While there will of course be freeloaders, some people are really shelling out the dough for the new licks because of their fervor for the band. Money for artists is generally made through record contracts and touring and not through the CD. I think I once read that artists generally make about $2 for an album that probably retails around $14.99. Thus, paying for music for your favorite band could essentially turn into a donation for the appreciation and continuation of their music. So, how much would you pay for your favorite Kanye West, Josh Groban, or Metallica album?

I would gladly pay upwards of $20 for an album from a band I consider great—I have no problem with this. For instance, when ‘Red Hot Chili Peppers’ came out with their new double album last year, I made a B line to the nearest Best Buy and forked over the cash for the CD. And, to be honest, I really relished in putting in the CD and looking at the inset of pictures. Of course, I ripped the CD to iTunes, stuck the CD in the shelf, and haven’t picked it up since.

My point is: I would pay for music from bands I really like because I want to support them. If bands couldn’t continue to produce music because they couldn’t make money off of their trade, then I really think that that would be tragic. So, then my issue then becomes: what do I do with bands I’ve never heard of? I have a problem with shelling out even $10 for a CD from a band when I’m only familiar with one or two of their songs. I guess this is why iTunes seems to work for me. I can spend $1 on a song that I’ve heard somehow and transfer it over to my personal catalogue of fabulous music. If I continue to like the song, then I might buy some more tracks from that artist. Eventually, I might even hand over some money to go to one of their concerts.

So, is this really the end of the music industry? No. I just think it’s a shift in the way music is distributed. It calls into question what the purpose behind record labels is. I would have to say that their main function is to promote an artist so that their music can be heard far and wide. Thus, instead of producing CDs to be able to sell them in stores, music labels might become more like PR firms that specialize in selling an artist, not just a piece of plastic. This, of course, would mean that record labels would have to receive a bigger share of concert revenues, merchandise, TV spots, etc. as compensation for their services. Maybe if they just took a page from a certain rock ‘n’ roll chronicle it would make their situation a little easier:

I can still remember how
That music used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance,
That I could make those people dance,
And maybe they'd be happy for a while

Aze Vicious

My nephew, Azer, wants to be Sid Vicious from the Sex Pistols for Halloween. (He's starting therapy on Thursday.)

311 Mixes it Up

I have a few guilty pleasure bands and 311 happen to be one of them. My bro-in-law got me into them right before I left on my mission, so it was fitting that he was there, along with his wife, to bask in the reggae-inspired rock/rap. He actually got us free VIP suites along with dinner (thanks Steve). Since I've been a long-time fan of 311 I'm pretty familiar with their catalogue, which why I was so pleased that 311 chose to play a lot of their hidden gems instead of just the hits.

I was talking to Steve and we were trying to figure out how 311 has remained relatively popular, since so many of their counterparts have fallen by the wayside in obscurity. But the more interesting question was whether or not 311 would remain a band that could continue to tour and fill arenas. Steve said that 311 lacked that 'classic' sound that makes bands like U2 and the Stones popular way into their 40s or 60s even! I said that the Red Hot Chili Peppers really don't have that classic sound he was talking about and that 311 has followed a similar pattern of rap/rock that RHCP had taken before they evolved into a more commercial mainstream rock band.

It's an interesting question because rock was founded on youthful arrogance that didn't trust anyone over 40. However, as rock bands begin to age they take their fans with them all the way to becoming senior citizens. What was once new becomes extremely old, but fans still pay enormous amounts of money to see these bands and maybe rekindle those nostalgic memories of 'sticking it to the man.' Thus, it sounds plausible that 311 could be touring well into their 60s collecting ticket revenues and social security checks along the way.

I have to ask...

Is having a fear of clowns an actual phobia?

How much money would Pam Beesly make in the real world?

Has anyone tried VitaminWater yet? I wonder if it’s like Diet Coke Plus?

What’s a hipster anyway?

How long has it been since you’ve thrown a boomerang?

Is Andrei Kirilenko the son of that guy from Rocky IV? Should we trade him?

Is ginormous an actual word?

What happened to Wesley from The Princess Bride?

I wonder what the number one song was on the day I was born?

What happened to the conjoined twins from Siamese Dream?

Should they make a new Indiana Jones trilogy? Hey it worked for Star Wars, er, kind of…

Applying String Theory to Album Reviews

While Jed continues to post Kevin Costner's America in hopes of winning an Ansel Adams Award, I turn your attention for a brief moment to the world of quantum mechanics, string theory, and the world of relativity.

I recently tried to dive into a book by Brain Greene (not the dude from 90210) about the universe. People, my mind was blown in the acknowledgements. I simply wasn't ready for that.

So, I took a flying dive into Stephen Hawking's illustrated A Briefer History of Time. While I was hoping for an entirely illustrated, watered down explanation of gravity, there were some pictures of Stephen Hawking using the powers of his mind to attract Marilyn Monroe (seriously), because Stephen Hawking could totally use his mind to control you. He's that smart, people.

In the book, there is some discussion of Newton's Principia Mathematica. Newton was so awesome that he invented calculus to explain the universe, which field of math eventually led to the downfall of so many high school seniors across the land. Thanks, Isaac, for ruining my grades.

However, by the power of Stehpen Hawking's awesome mind, I am now as much as 3% smarter. Apparently, just by reading the book, Mr. Hawking replicated his DNA into my
cerebrum.

What does this have to do with Album reviews, as the title of the post says?

I have long despised the pomposity of album reviews. They sicken me. Whenever I read one, it's like the author is an English literature graduate student that mixed the album review with their thesis on the transcendentalist civil disobedience of the newest Van Halen album. Actually, a "serious" music reviewer, such as anyone that writes for that Idolator website would never listen to Van Halen. Van Halen is to awesome for that. What sickens me more about album reviews is a) the reviewer is trying sooooooo hard to sound smart, which usually turns into underhanded insults about how their music is better than yours and b) if the music they reviewed was that good, why aren't more people listening?

Music is very subjective. You, by now, are aware that I think Van Halen is awesome. While this is the case for me, you might be looking at your thesaurus right now, looking up how many ways you can say "suck" to describe how you feel about Van Halen.

Thus, I have devised a new equation which reduces album reviews to relativity within the gravity of a bands influence.

Here's how the equation works. An album reviewer takes the number of songs listened through divided by the number of total songs to arrive at the percentile score of the album. Essentially, you're doing the same thing your high school calculus teacher would do when grading your test -- number correct/number possible= percent score. So, you're saying number of good songs on one album out of the entire album listing. This is your rating relative to you.

Here's an example: The Nine Inch Nails album Broken has 99 tracks. I dislike all 99 tracks, so the album gets a Grand Canyon size zero percent. Not only that, the album gets negative points for 99 tracks, which gives my stereo a nervous breakdown counting through. So, I rate Broken as negative percent, which, in Newton's world, is not possible.

So, to honor Mr. Newton and the mind prowess of Hawking, I present the caveat of the equation -- a band's rating would only be applied within the "gravitational pull" of that bands universe. I don't subscribe to the gravitational pull of the NIN universe, therefore my score doesn't count, as I don't like NIN.

When rating an album, the question "Do I like this band?" must be asked. If no, simply skip ahead from your rating, as you aren't in the "gravity" of that band. Thus, a "yes, I like this band"allows you to score, a "no, hearing this band is like being being stuck in hell" gets you a move along please.

Now, Part Two of the equation -- calculating the "gravity" of a band. How to calculate gravity:

Total of all percentile scores divided by number total number of "yes" raters. Essentially, like your calculus teacher, you're going to find the "average" score. So, the higher the collective or "average" score, the higher the pull.

Now, the final part -- as Newton so aptly calculated, the bigger the mass of the object, the bigger the pull of the object. Thus, we need to calculate the "mass"of an object. Certainly, one must realize that in the music universe, there are those that have a cosmic pull and luminosity whatever it is in the center of the Milky Way that everything else seems to revolve around, and there are those that slowly float around somewhere around the rim of the universe, burning so low and so dull that no one notices but obnoxious album reviewers.

To calculate the mass of a band, we find the average of the averages for a band-- meaning that you total the number of collective scores for one band, then divide by the number of albums. For example, Public Enemy has fourteen albums. I add up the scores from each of the albums, then divide by fourteen. Since Public Enemy is mind-blowingly, in yo' face awesome, Public Enemy's "mass" is 100. So, Public enemy is a class-O, superhot and "o"-so luminous star.

Rosebud Rules

The American Film Institute (AFI) voted again on the 100 best movies of all time—Orson Welles’ faux interpretation of media tycoon William Randolph Hearst, Citizen Kane, remained on top. While I appreciate these types of lists I do wonder what goes into making them, especially when considering that twenty-three films got bumped from the original 1998 list (e.g. My Fair Lady, From Here to Eternity, Fantasia, etc.) Are these films not good enough anymore for their stuffy top 100 or are Titanic and The Sixth Sense (new editions) really that much better? Another thing that bugs me about the list is that it skews toward older movies. It’s not like I don’t like watching older movies—some of my favorite movies don’t even have sound (see anything with Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton)--it’s just that I’d like a list that includes up-and-coming filmmakers’ joints. Batman Begins anyone? For these reasons I kind of like IMDB’s top 250 list because it includes foreign films, it’s continually updated, and it’s voted in by fans rather than elitist movie critics. But anyway, here’s the AFI list. I’ve seen fifty-seven of them. How many have you seen? Do you agree with the list? Would your list include recent blockbusters Norbit, Wildhogs, and Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer?

For some more fun here’s IMDB’s bottom 100.

1. “Citizen Kane,” 1941.

2. “The Godfather,” 1972.

3. “Casablanca,” 1942.

4. “Raging Bull,” 1980.

5. “Singin’ in the Rain,” 1952.

6. “Gone With the Wind,” 1939.

7. “Lawrence of Arabia,” 1962.

8. “Schindler’s List,” 1993.

9. “Vertigo,” 1958.

10. “The Wizard of Oz,” 1939.

11. “City Lights,” 1931.

12. “The Searchers,” 1956.

13. “Star Wars,” 1977.

14. “Psycho,” 1960.

15. “2001: A Space Odyssey,” 1968.

16. “Sunset Blvd.”, 1950.

17. “The Graduate,” 1967.

18. “The General,” 1927.

19. “On the Waterfront,” 1954.

20. “It’s a Wonderful Life,” 1946.

21. “Chinatown,” 1974.

22. “Some Like It Hot,” 1959.

23. “The Grapes of Wrath,” 1940.

24. “E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial,” 1982.

25. “To Kill a Mockingbird,” 1962.

26. “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington,” 1939.

27. “High Noon,” 1952.

28. “All About Eve,” 1950.

29. “Double Indemnity,” 1944.

30. “Apocalypse Now,” 1979.

31. “The Maltese Falcon,” 1941.

32. “The Godfather Part II,” 1974.

33. “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,” 1975.

34. “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,” 1937.

35. “Annie Hall,” 1977.

36. “The Bridge on the River Kwai,” 1957.

37. “The Best Years of Our Lives,” 1946.

38. “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre,” 1948.

39. “Dr. Strangelove,” 1964.

40. “The Sound of Music,” 1965.

41. “King Kong,” 1933.

42. “Bonnie and Clyde,” 1967.

43. “Midnight Cowboy,” 1969.

44. “The Philadelphia Story,” 1940.

45. “Shane,” 1953.

46. “It Happened One Night,” 1934.

47. “A Streetcar Named Desire,” 1951.

48. “Rear Window,” 1954.

49. “Intolerance,” 1916.

50. “The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring,” 2001.

51. “West Side Story,” 1961.

52. “Taxi Driver,” 1976.

53. “The Deer Hunter,” 1978.

54. “M-A-S-H,” 1970.

55. “North by Northwest,” 1959.

56. “Jaws,” 1975.

57. “Rocky,” 1976.

58. “The Gold Rush,” 1925.

59. “Nashville,” 1975.

60. “Duck Soup,” 1933.

61. “Sullivan’s Travels,” 1941.

62. “American Graffiti,” 1973.

63. “Cabaret,” 1972.

64. “Network,” 1976.

65. “The African Queen,” 1951.

66. “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” 1981.

67. “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?”, 1966.

68. “Unforgiven,” 1992.

69. “Tootsie,” 1982.

70. “A Clockwork Orange,” 1971.

71. “Saving Private Ryan,” 1998.

72. “The Shawshank Redemption,” 1994.

73. “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid,” 1969.

74. “The Silence of the Lambs,” 1991.

75. “In the Heat of the Night,” 1967.

76. “Forrest Gump,” 1994.

77. “All the President’s Men,” 1976.

78. “Modern Times,” 1936.

79. “The Wild Bunch,” 1969.

80. “The Apartment, 1960.

81. “Spartacus,” 1960.

82. “Sunrise,” 1927.

83. “Titanic,” 1997.

84. “Easy Rider,” 1969.

85. “A Night at the Opera,” 1935.

86. “Platoon,” 1986.

87. “12 Angry Men,” 1957.

88. “Bringing Up Baby,” 1938.

89. “The Sixth Sense,” 1999.

90. “Swing Time,” 1936.

91. “Sophie’s Choice,” 1982.

92. “Goodfellas,” 1990.

93. “The French Connection,” 1971.

94. “Pulp Fiction,” 1994.

95. “The Last Picture Show,” 1971.

96. “Do the Right Thing,” 1989.

97. “Blade Runner,” 1982.

98. “Yankee Doodle Dandy,” 1942.

99. “Toy Story,” 1995.

100. “Ben-Hur,” 1959.

Deep Thoughts from a White Guy

"I love Deseret Industries, they have the best return policy." ~Steve White

Weezer in the Sun

I’m not exactly sure how it happened, but the first music that had a major influence on me was surf rock mainly coming from the Beach Boys. My first of many concerts was, in fact, a Beach Boys outdoor concert. Looking back at this time in my life, I find it amusing that I was so devoted to a band that would produce such happy-go-lucky songs as ‘California Girls,’ ‘Little Deuce Coup,’ and ‘Fun, Fun, Fun.’ I think I was extremely committed to this fun-in-the-sun attitude because I remember wearing Hawaiian shirts many times and shorts called ‘baggies’ mentioned in the song ‘Surfin’ U.S.A.’—sans huarache sandals unfortunately.

By the time I reached high school there was a new rock movement taking over called grunge. One of the bands that came out of this rock renaissance was Weezer. While I wouldn’t really place them in that specific genre, the band surfaced at the same time as grunge staples Nirvana, Stone Temple Pilots, and Smashing Pumpkins. I remember hearing them for the first time and was irresistibly addicted to their rock harmonizing, catchy hooks, and nerds-are-cool image. But, I never really put all the similarities of these two iconic bands together until I saw this website, which analyzes the bands’ eerily extensive parallels.

Even if most of them are probably more heavily-researched coincidences than actual hard-fact similarities, I found them oddly entertaining. And now it makes sense that I would be totally into Weezer since they probably broke into my childhood self-conscience with music videos that mimicked happier days of early 60s sunshine pop, accentuated by their doo-wop harmonies, lively hand claps, and almost giggly backing vocals. From the classic Weezer song, 'Surf Wax America,' to the Pet Soundsy 'Island in the Sun' music video—that oddly looks and feels like the cover to this Beach Boys landmark album—Weezer definitely owes more than a little to these eternally youthful geriatrics.

What's in a name?

Have you been having problems lately naming your kids? Or are you bored with your own name? Well, here are the top names in the nation from the US census for 2006. There might be some ideas in here for you. Angel came as #31—I’m guessing that’s the Spanish version. Navaeh came in as #43 for the girls—that’s heaven spelled backward in case you were wondering.

Warriors Bullies and Mavericks Cowards?

According to Charley Rosen of Foxsports, the Warriors are nothing but bullies evidenced by their late-game cheap shots and uncalled-for assaults. I think that’s a little extreme. The Warriors were obviously frustrated last night, which resulted in some hard fouls, but it’s hard for me to call them bullies. What is obvious, however, is that Don Nelson’s version of NBA basketball (run-and-gun and live or die by the 3) is fun to watch, but doesn’t get you far in the playoffs. Rosen goes on to say “the bottom line, though, is that bullies can only intimidate and beat cowards, i.e., the Dallas Mavericks. And there's nothing cowardly about any team coached by Jerry Sloan.” True dat. Double true.

I'm sorry Mr Jackson

If you didn't know already Peter Jackson probably won't be directing the upcoming Hobbit movie (sob), due to his legal battles with the movie company. The LotR movies were probably some of the best hobbit movies ever, and it's hard to imagine someone else directing them. But, if you could choose another director who would it be?

Steven Spielberg pitch: A young Bilbo Baggins leaves during war to save a young private Ryan while avoiding dinosaurs and giant rolling boulders, only to narrowly escape from the clutches of Captain Hook by flying away on a BMX bike during a very full moon.

Tim Burton pitch: Biblo dies, but lives in the afterlife with his enigmatic friend Beetlejuice. All is well until Commissioner Gordon calls him up to fight crime, the only problem is that it's hard for him to save people with the scissors on his hands. So, he gives up and starts a chocolate factory, where he can cut chocolate with ease.

Ron Howard pitch: Biblo falls in love with a beautiful mermaid while splashing around, but then things get interesting when he decides to fly to the moon on the ill-fated Apollo 13 mission. Of course, he makes it back only to realize that he's dirt poor and in deep depression, so he decides to take up boxing again for his mermaid family and half-mermaid kids. He wins, but Bilbo is better with his beautiful mind than his boxing prowess, and thus decides to go to Europe to help decipher ancient symbols and discovers the one ring of power. He's a little disheartened to find that the one ring doesn't really hold all the power, but the ring band. (That would've been good to know for the trilogy).

Martin Scorsese?

M. Night Shyamalan?

Sam Raimi?

Lost Addict?

Since last year, when I borrowed my brother's DVD of the first season of Lost, I've been hopelessly hooked. I'm not sure if it's the metaphysical storyline, heavy pycho-analysis of complex characters, or the sci-fi adventure that really pulls me in. But at any rate I just wanted to say that there's a great post explaining tonight's episode as well as an entire breakdown of the show's most popular theories. What do you guys think?